22 July, 2012

Dear Facebook. I Fear For Your Future...

** Please Note: This op ed was written prior to the FB public buy***

Watch out original facebook users, the coons are movin’ in! I think it may be too late, but I’m here to warn you, there’s a new group of facebookers invading our territory and they’re making it hard to navigate through what was once a simple social network. Let’s compare the old FB to a new neighborhood—clean, neatly manicured tree lawns, nice sidewalks, paved streets and respectful neighbors. Now fast forward to the NEW FB—red cups and chicken bones thrown about, cracked sidewalks, disruptive neighbors and a shitty mailman. What the hell happened?? I’ll tell you what I think happened…

· Facebook started off as a virtual facebook (a correspondent to the hard copy face books that originated on college campuses, introducing the upper classmen to the new freshmen). The original purpose was to bring the circle of nationwide college students into their own social network and create familiarity amongst users through the web. The great thing about this was that you HAD to have a university or college e-mail to set up a facebook page. NOT anymore. I’ve run into people on FB who never USED a computer a day in their lives (or even texted). These MFers are playing Mafia Wars and raising cattle on Farmville. There are NO filters. Anyone and everyone can join FB, just like anyone and everyone can live wherever they want to…right?

· Revenue. Once the number of users increased (Nationally and Internationally) advertisers joined in and stepped their game up, adding banners to the side of each page, catering to you and your friend’s interest. We’ll compare this to say, a liquor store on every corner. Next thing you know there’ll be blinking banners every time you attempt to sign in (don’t be surprised if and when this happens!). The more money they garnered from advertisers, the less filters they created for who could and could not join the network.

I can’t tell you how many professional (eeeheeem) strippers, call-girls, rappers, models, (and the list goes on and on) that I see baring it all on Facebook, or just posting some outrageous shit that I would have seen on Black Planet years ago. People, must we make fools of ourselves on facebook, too? Why are you naked on your FB page with pictures of your kids in the same album? Why do I have to know what cup size you are as well as the fact that you had sautĂ©ed salmon and broccoli for dinner? And last but not least WHY are you bare azz naked leaning up against a wall on your profile pick? If you are unemployed perhaps Sorority Life should NOT be a priority. Mark Zuckerberg, please clean the streets of FB, it’s time to put this shit under construction---foreal this time.

Well, seeing as how every new neighborhood eventually turns into an old neighborhood, and gets recycled over and over again, I’m wondering how FB will adapt to its new population of users. Will all of the original users pick up and move to a more peaceful, filtered and “cleaner” social networking environment? Or will they grin and bear it, wait for the fad to die out, and hope that the unruly and disruptive intruders will find another social networking site to call home? I doubt it…but it does look like FB is taking steps to move some of these people out. The rumor is that they will begin charging a fee for the service, which will surely deter most people from using FB (I think). Those people who don’t mind paying the extra fee will get their nice clean neighborhood back, free from all the garbage, the loud noise, and the unnecessary requests. Until then, can you PLEASE tell your uncle to stop requesting me?? THANKS!

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